get off the phone to find out that my first serious boyfriend (and the only guy I’ve ever dated for more than 2 months) died in a car accident yesterday.

Today is a horrible day.

I need to get so stoned that I can’t remember my own name. OH WAIT, I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY OR WEED.

Fuck it. And I’ve still got a 3000 word essay to write.

I don’t think “My ex from over 3 years ago died at the weekend so I couldnt write my essay.” counts as extenuating circumstances.

Seriously, I haven’t even spoken to him for like 2 years nearly now, but it’s still weird thinking that he isn’t alive anymore…

because their internet service is so rubbish and has been for the last 2 years. I have used it in so many different places and now I’m trying to use it again so I can possibly do my uni work and it’s just not working. I spent the first hour just trying to get it to tell me I had network access. Fucccckkkkk.

I hope they do something about it because I am not in the fucking mood today.

The harder I try and stay living in Falmouth, the more it drags me back.

I need to weigh up pros and cons really and decide which is best.

But I don’t want to do that, because I know that realistically Bristol is going to win by miles.

Mostly because there I’ll have a job, and here I’ll just keep on getting rejection after rejection. (no, seriously, you should see my inbox…)

I even got rejected from Asda today. I didn’t even want to work there, at all, but still it’s a job that I have experience in and I’m massively overqualified for and they still don’t want me. >_< Even though I am willing to work all day and all of the night. (i didn’t mean to turn that into lyrics a bit there, but it’s happened…)

So yeah, decision time is getting fucking close now, my mum said if I’m going home I need to tell her by 7th June because that’s when I’m gunna see her next. And I need to really decide sooner, so that I can tell the people I’m supposed to be living with, because I really don’t want to fuck up their living situation.

ARGH TEARING MY HAIR OUT.

And I still have one more essay to write too. Grumble.

And I really smell, showertime.

It’s not exactly the easiest thing to ignore when it’s floating around in my head…

SUGAAAAAR!